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Ferguson, Isis, Hong Kong Pro-Democracy, Nazis [Scrapple TV News]

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From high atop the scrapple news tower in downtown philadelphia; I’m ap ticker and you must be at least this tall to ride.

As Americans cast their sleepy eye towards Ferguson, out-of-touch Americans shake their trembling fists at the alleged looters; dreaming of a white Christmas.

Whilst we binged on overfed birds, sports, pie; Washington bombs the shit out of another country. Syrian Observatory for Human Rights alleged the US bombed a stronghold in Syria with 30 airstrikes……killing almost 100 people.

Happy Hanukkah, ISIS!

Hold your head up high America, if there is one we do well, It is giving a kick in the balls before parting ways.

Because back home,

In one last feeble attempt to destroy the great state of Pennsylvania, future ex-governor Corbett is borrowing cash from China. No doubt lining the pockets of trusted cronies. Leaving the gargantuan bill to you and me for up to the tune of 200 million dollars.

No worries. What’s the big deal about how much money we owe to China?

Kind, Tolerant, China…

If you think the over-militarization of police during the early days of the Ferguson tragedy was totalitarian frightening,

Chinese police laugh at our military’s soft lenient treatment of its citizens.

In Hong Kong, Pro-democracy protesters by the thousands, forced their way past police and poured on to a main road in Hong Kong late on Sunday night.

The demonstrators are protesting the tightening boot on the collective necks of the formerly free city of Hong Kong.

“Pain is temporary. We are fighting for a permanent democracy,” says Check Pin, a TV programmer who had been hurt by pepper spray.

As the freedom fighters approached, The Chinese police collectively cracked its knuckles, grinned slightly and slowly dimmed the lights.
Save the electricity for the jumper cables strapped to your nuts.

Meanwhile, back home and back in the day…..

A Philly Pastor is accused of spying for Hitler!

According to the book “The Nazi Spy Pastor: Carl Krepper and the War in America,” written by Rev. J. Francis Watson. Delaware Valley Pastor Carl Krepper spent the wartime spying for the evil axis empire and plotting against sweet lady liberty during the darkest days of the greatest generation.

Sure he betrayed our country, but he was the one priest you could trust around your kids

Finally …

A bellicose pig and its owner were yanked from a pre-holiday flight this week. The pair had a seat on a flight from Connecticut on Wednesday, but were asked to leave the plane before it took off.

“We could smell it and it was a pig on a leash,” Said one passenger, with a deadly addiction to bacon.

Who brings a pig on a plane? Well just last year, I took your mother to bermuda.

And…. she…. loved… it.

If getting blotto and telling cheap mom jokes are your thing, might I tempt you with the tantalizing and terrifically tasty elixir known as Kenzinger Beer.

Kenzinger Beer, strong enough for men. But PH balanced for women.

Thats it for the news, folks. I remain AP Ticker… Jolly old fella with a belly full of jelly.

Scrapple TV News week of December 7, 2014

Scrapple News written by:
Scott Colan, Steve Galley, Brendan Skwire, Alison Zeidman, John Zito
Shot by: Marc Brodzik
Edited by: Andrew Geller

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